The Holiday Season, the time of year that is full of joy! It is, indeed, the most wonderful time of the year. And also, the most sentimental and sensible time of year.  Families get together to share and enjoy everyone’s company in preparation to say good-bye to the year that is almost gone, looking forward with hope to a new one.  But, for those going through a divorce or recently divorced, it is a whole different story.

You are probably overthinking and stressing out about the Holidays and wondering how you are going to survive.  First, you need to realize you are not the only one.  Many people are going through difficult times every day, not only going through a divorce, but the loss of a loved one, or a job, etc.  And just like everyone else, you will be able to overcome the difficult times.  You will need to focus on finding ways to enjoy and have joy during the Holidays, especially if you have children.  Your children will be better off with a “Better You.”  Therefore, it is essential that you take good care of yourself, physically and emotionally. Here are some tips to help yourself during this season:

1. Work through the emotions: Allow yourself time to “mourn.” Divorcing or separating from your partner is equal to losing a loved one.  Cry if you need to cry, scream if you need to scream. However, do not project your negative feelings of your ex-partner onto your children.  Remember, these are your emotions not your children’s.  Find a friend who can listen and understand what you are going through or find professional help if needed.  Soon, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
2. Keep yourself healthy: Start an exercise routine, it will lift up your spirit. You do not need to join a gym, walking or jogging around the neighborhood are great ways to start exercising.  Choose healthy foods and stay away from alcoholic beverages.  A few drinks are acceptable when attending a party, but do not rely on alcohol to fix your problems.  Read a good book; or, try to find other ways to relieve stress and anxiety.
3. Heart-searching: Although it might be a bit painful to examine your feelings and motives, this might be a good time to do a self-analysis. You need to figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on; what you want from life from now on; where do you see yourself in the next 3, 6 or 9 months, short-term plans are more realistic and achievable.  Little by little, you will see how everything else falls into place.
4. Reach out and stay positive: After years spending the major holidays with your children, it might seem very hard to spend your first holidays without them. Do not isolate yourself.  Try to attend every invitation to parties and gatherings.  Reach out to friends and family.  Or even better, you might want to consider helping less fortunate people.  Volunteering at a church, synagogue, or your community to organize the festivities may help you bring joy to yourself and others.  You have to choose to keep a positive attitude, regardless of the issues you are going through.  That way you will be able to enjoy the Holidays with or without your children.
5. Create your “own” traditions: Your children will probably spend a Holiday with you and the next one with their other parent. You can create your “own” celebrations at a different time.  Your children will be happily celebrating another round of Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, etc. when they are back with you.  There are many opportunities for newly-single parents to create their own traditions.  Just think of what is important to you and what values you want to pass onto your children.
6. Do not talk about your pain all the time: There are certain people and times to talk about the difficulties of going through a divorce. If you talk about it all the time, it is not good for you or others.  After a while, people will get annoyed about listening to your lament, and the only thing you will get back from them is the feeling of pity.

A “Better You” will help you make better decisions about your future.  It may help you have a better relationship with your former spouse, have less stress and anxiety in your life, but most importantly, to teach your children to overcome difficulties with dignity.

For other tips also read Putting Family First for the Holidays

The Holidays Season can be difficult when you are dealing with a divorce.  At Seff & Capizzi we are prepared to help you through the process.  We regularly assist clients with their divorce cases and provide valuable information for those that need assistance in understanding how to approach this situation in their own lives.

If you need assistance with your divorce, please call us at (954) 920-9220. We have over 40 years of experience and offer a free consultation. Click here for more information about our family law practice and how Seff & Capizzi can help.