Whether we notice or not, there are Red Flags in all kinds of relationships. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Red Flag as “a warning signal or sign” and “something that indicates or draws attention to a problem, danger, or irregularity.” If we pay attention, these red flags can help us figure things out, and in some cases, even fix the issues in our relationships before it is too late. But most times, we ignore and even avoid them.
You might be thinking, how can a red flag help me save or fix my marriage? First of all, don’t be afraid of them, don’t ignore or avoid them. Instead, treat them as your best advisor. If you confront them right away, it may help to make the relationship stronger and trustworthy.
Reasons that Raise Red Flags
In general, many different kinds of reasons can raise a red flag. In a friendship can be jealousy, envy, etc. In a marriage, it can be an issue your partner is having with you, but in other cases, it may have nothing to do with you.
For example, you notice your partner seems bored, unmotivated, uninterested, or is avoiding you. It may be work-related issues, health problems, or even the recent loss of a family member. Make sure you offer your partner your support and let him/ her know that you are there for them.
After getting married, many people get so comfortable and complacent, that they stop taking care of themselves the way they did while dating. We all change bodily as we age; however, don’t let yourself go. Try to maintain your health and appearance. Women, if you did your nails, dressed nicely and wore make-up regularly, try keeping it up. Men, try shaving, wearing cologne, and looking sharp if this was what you did when the relationship started. It is also important to maintain the physical attraction.
Either way, having an open and honest conversation can go a long way towards resolving the issue, or at least having a clear understanding of the problem.
Ways to Work Out Red Flags
- Talk: Say something, don’t be afraid. Better to find out sooner than later.
- Find out: Once you know the reason or get an idea, it can be an easy fix.
- Fix: Find a solution. Offer your support. Spend more time alone with your spouse, have a regular date-night, especially if children. Or even try counseling if necessary.
People grow in different directions. Taste can change. Try having open conversations about what each of you is looking for in the relationship often. If you ignore the first round of red flags, one day, it can be too late. Then, you might start seeing signs that your spouse is preparing for a divorce.
“Divorce” Red Flags to look out for
- Your spouse is being secretive;
- Your spouse is picking up new hobbies;
- Your spouse is spending a lot of time in the gym getting in shape;
- Your spouse is changing looks and buying a new wardrobe;
- Your spouse is having “work meetings” after hours;
- Your spouse is attending happy hours with coworkers often;
- Your spouse is not interested in activities and spending time together with you anymore,
- Your spouse is becoming stingy toward household expenses, etc.
We will all experience red flags in all of our relationships. We need to learn to recognize them and work them out. Marriage with the partner we picked means that we need to share our lives, adapt, and work out the unavoidable bumps in the road. The issues caused by those bumps should not be the reason to end the relationship. Unless you are in an abusive relationship or dealing with infidelity, you might want to examine all of your options before seeking help to get a divorce. You may have hidden opportunity and a good chance of success once you start peeling back the onion of issues openly and honestly with your significant other. Divorce should be a last resort, but in some cases, it is the best and only final solution.
At Seff & Capizzi Law Group, we regularly assist clients and provide valuable information for those that need assistance in understanding how to approach this particular situation in their own lives. If you are not sure if getting a divorce or mediation would be the best option for you, please call us at (954) 920-9220. We have over 40 years of experience and offer a free consultation. Click here for more information about our family law practice and how Seff & Capizzi can help.