The holidays are the time of year that most people look forward to. However, if you are dealing with a divorce, this can dampen your spirits even to the point of dreading its approach. Understandably, things are not the same and you will have to deal with some undesirable changes. You might not even be in the holiday mood and may feel like that there is not much to be thankful for during Thanksgiving. So how do you survive the holidays when everyone around you are joyously celebrating?
Living in the Moment
Eckhart Tolle, famous author of The Power of Now, shared that whatever it is that the present moment brings you, you have to accept it as it is, as if it was you who had actually chosen it. There is really wisdom to this because acceptance is always the first step towards healing.
So, as the holidays approach – remember to enjoy them! In the words of Tolle, “Always work with it, not against it.” There is not much that you can do about the divorce, or the time of the year, but there is still so much that you can do to make yourself happy during the holidays. While it is not easy to just move on in a snap, all you have to do is to take it step by step, one day at a time, live in the present moment, and cherish it. You will find that the world is not so grim after all.
The awesome thing about holidays is that your know they are coming and if you think about it, you can use that to your advantage. It doesn’t have to be a grand plan but the goal is to ensure that you and your family can enjoy a cheerful holiday season.
Start with making a list of activities you love most that puts you in a holiday mode. You can also innovate by thinking of something different to do or by traveling to a special destination that you have always wanted to visit. Involve your family members and closest friends in the planning as they are sure to be delighted in it too. Put your thinking hats on and have a good time!
Reaching Out to Others
Dealing with a divorce can make you think of all the bad and make you forget about the good. However, when you start to think outside of yourself and focus on others, you will realize that it is not that bad after all. Going out there to be with other people will certainly help keep your sanity intact.
The holidays give you a perfect opportunity to do this as you can expand your network of friends, or keep in touch with long-lost relatives by using the holidays as an excuse. Spend time with a parent, a sister, an old classmate or a new acquaintance and you just might discover a profound friendship. Check your social media accounts and see a good number of potential candidates with whom you can call and spend time with.
Relying on Your Flexibility
No matter how you plan or try to avoid the things that can remind you about the pains of your divorce, there is often too much that cannot easily be erased from your memory. In fact, you need to expect that bad memories will haunt you during the course of the holidays, especially when it used to be the most exciting time of the year for you as a couple and as a family. It is common to feel overwhelmed, but important to continue to focus on moving forward.
The most viable way to deal with these unpleasant feelings is to bank on your flexibility and creativity to deal with awkward situations. Be quick to recognize what makes you feel uncomfortable and then be flexible enough to make the necessary adjustments when the situation calls for it. If this is too much to ask, you can just relax and quietly withdraw from the scene.
Stretching Your Patience
Do yourself a favor and give happiness a chance.
It is easy to feel guilty about having fun during the holidays especially when you have are dealing with so much with your divorce. You should do it anyways! You and your family deserve it.
If you ever need to pause for a while because you are feeling emotional, take a moment in a private space. Don’t feel bad about it or get tired of having to go through with it. Be patient with yourself – moving on takes time.
When it’s time to laugh, then laugh like you have never laughed before. The holidays is about celebrating the joy of living, divorced or not.
The holidays can be a difficult period of time when you are dealing with a divorce, but at Seff & Capizzi we are prepared to help you through the process. We regularly assist clients with their divorce cases and provide valuable information for those that need assistance in understanding how to approach this situation in their own lives.
If you need assistance with your divorce, please call us at (954) 920-9220. We have over 40 years of experience and offer a free consultation. Click here for more information about our family law practice and how Seff & Capizzi can help.